While en route to Pittsburgh recently it once again struck me what suckers we are for the airline deals. You know, where you pay extra for a “seat upgrade” so you can sit with 3 inches more legroom, or get that coveted boarding pass zone.
Honestly folks, these deals are a joke. First off, unless the airplane hits a mountain or lands in the drink, everyone on board will take off and arrive at the same time. The Wright Brothers proved that on the sandy beaches of North Carolina.
So, the “business class,” “premier memberships,” “gold class,” and “sky-blue-pink class” passengers get to pass through a red-ribbon line that is a grand 12 inches closer to the gate attendant. The rest of us slugs have to enter via the “standard boarding” line that is 20 inches from the gate attendant.
It’s a treat to watch passengers panic if they have to gate check their carry-ons. Airplanes are metal tubes, folks. There is limited space. If you have something so valuable in your carry-on that you’d would literally die if you lost it, why is it in your carry-on in the first place?
Seat upgrades are just to make you feel better about yourself. You’re not quite “first class” but you can feel like you live next to those landed gentries by sitting FIVE FEET from them. You now what, they look just as miserable as us, sucking down that air filled with microbes from Thailand (no offense to the Thai folks), squished into seats designed to put a permanent curve in your spine and trying to sleep while listening to kids cry.
So, I guess we are suckers for that small moment when we get to walk past those poor Zone 6 passengers and can act like we personally know the president of the airlines.
Until we find out the flight is overbooked, delayed or Grandma and her snotty screaming grandson park their butts next to us.